ok, ok. I know. It’s been foreve’s and I apologize! I started writing about my Mom’s visit to the City, then I went home for a bit and now I have all these huge life decisions to make (no, the decision is not whether to spend my fortunes on a pair of Monalo’s or Jimmy Choo’s. If only I had those problems!) BUT, there is more on all of that to come. Promises! You truly deserve an update on the hair-do (more like ‘don’t') situation. But we’ll get there…

As for right now, I am severely pissed off and need a venting spot for it. So, I got this job. And at this job I look for online outlets for projects that we work on. Simple enough. So, earlier, I emailed these folks with just a quick ‘Hey! How you doin’ type thing and suggested a few of our projects to them for possible review. Many times I hear back from people who say things like ‘This isn’t my thing, but thanks’ and that’s fine. I’m not pushing anything on anyone here. I want all to work out and be happy. I want birds to chirp, rainbows to paint the sky, the weak and feeble to be made well and dog crap on the street to magically be properly bagged and moved to a trash receptacle.

*sigh* today was not to be the day for such giddiness. Instead, the response I received was:

“Actually, none of these books are appropriate for review on [the name of the stupid blog with the stupid editor who is a jerk]. We don’t do non-fiction, particularly self-helpish stuff that caters to the Oprah set.

We get hundreds of publicity packages and requests for reviews each week and can only properly respond to those who take the time to do two minutes research into the scope and politics of the site.

Can you please remove us from your mailing list?”

Grrrr. Ok. He said ‘please’ but he also totally hocked a loogey on us as he said it. First of all, who is so crabby and jerky when someone is offered free stuff? Seriously. I could get the guy who stands outside the Duane Reade to dance a jig and sing a song for a stick of damn gum. But this guy, OH NO NONO! Who do I think I am? And what’s with the Oprah judgmental crap? She ain’t my favorite person on the whole planet, but if she can get people into reading, who am I to judge? I heard that she did this thing one time with this one book, but I’m not really sure what it was all about cause it was like a secret or something. But anyway, I came up with a properly enraged response, but, in light of my not wanting to lose my job, I cannot send it to him. But I can send it to all of you!

So here it is:
“Dear [he who shall not be named],

I, in fact, spent more than 2 minutes on the site and since you have discussion tags such as ‘Politics’ I thought that perhaps our [name of political book we have] book would be of some interest.

Furthermore, I would like to point out and quote from your own About section: ‘It is a space open to suggestion, so please write us if you have an idea,’ which is what I did. A simple ‘no’ would have sufficed if you found our titles to not be for your readership.

You will not be contacted by us in the future, but in the interest of future hardworking individuals in my position, I would suggest that you make more clear that you are only open to suggestions that fit within a constrained, pre-determined set of parameters, as this will perhaps cut down on the immense number of pitches you receive.

wishing you the best,
Me”

Granted he spelled out ‘two’ while I used ‘2′ so clearly he’s way more smarter than me is. I should have known better than to try to best a literary snob.

Wishing you all a happy day whilst I sit here practicing how to function with raised pinky and looking down on ya’ll, er, I mean you all.